I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
