I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
