so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
