3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
