we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
