Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
