Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
