I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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