I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i out mim tonsoeep
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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