sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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