She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Alive.
So much puke
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just high enough for therapy.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Randomize
