I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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