fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
