Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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