Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
