The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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