Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
