WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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