if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
