I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think your dad took our porno
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize