Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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