I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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