Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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