the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize