So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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