remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
