im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it hurts more in the daytime
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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