Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
