Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
