she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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