did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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