He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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