"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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