Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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