Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
