you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
