well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
