I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
