chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize