All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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