pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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