I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She said her name was "party"
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
