we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
