Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
