So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize