I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I've blown a few things in my day
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
