there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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