do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
