does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
