Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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