this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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