hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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