How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
