I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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