Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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