I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
