So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize