i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
