I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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