i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
