after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
