First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
