none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
