I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
