Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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