Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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