I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
