Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize