if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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