You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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