call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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