I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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