my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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