I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
