I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
