She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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