she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
