physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
