It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
