i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
