I heard we made out
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
