Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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