Do you still have your period?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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