So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
